Girlfriend
by amalspach
Summary: "Chat froze. At this moment, the frail foundations of his world crumbled to a crisp. Girlfriend?" In which Chat hears Ladybug say the world 'girlfriend' and instantly assumes she's dating someone else. Panic ensues, but luckily Marinette is there for him. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I don't and seriously doubt I will ever own the show Miraculous Ladybug.**

 **I wish I did. I would be super rich and Adrinette would be canon already.**

* * *

"Hey, chaton," she grinned in greeting as she walked over to Chat. The red-and-black clad heroine was spot on time for patrol, as per usual. It was seeming to be a mellow crime week, but duty rested for nobody, he presumed.

Chat internally sighed. She looked beautiful, as always. Just more proof that he had fallen for the purr-fect girl.

"Hello, my lady," he smiled back. "How are you this fine afternoon?" The 16 year old swatted him away with a laugh, which was definitely a good thing. Two years ago, she would have just rolled her eyes or punched his shoulder. However, since then, Chat liked to think that they had grown closer as a team. He felt as though they were friends - best friends - and she could read him like a book. Ladybug always seemed to know when he was upset or if he was having a good day or even if his classwork was exhausting him. Likewise, he now knew things about her she never would have dreamed of telling him before. They were always little things, not incredibly important to the average person, but he couldn't help but stash them away like little treasures. For example, she loved the color pink, hated the cold, and wanted to be a designer when she grew up. It all made her more real, less of a fantasy girl that was inevitably out of his league.

In addition to this, she had stopped groaning at his intolerable puns and instead opted for a quiet sigh. A few were actually able to make her lips twitch upwards, which the superhero _swore_ wasn't a smile. He was far from convinced.

She liked one of his cheesy puns. If that isn't progress, he didn't know what was.

"I'm alright, minou," she replied, sitting next to him. "It's been a long day, and I'm sort of tired, but not necessarily a bad one." The dark haired hero looked her partner up and down, then backing off as if her analysis was complete. "How was yours?"

"Long and tiring, but not bad." She nodded as if she had expected as much.

"I thought so. You don't look upset, just . . . done."

"I am a little done, yeah," he admitted, rubbing his neck. "But seeing you always makes me feel better, my lady."

"Charmer. It's only been about five sentences in and you're already trying to flirt," his companion laughed again, genuinely amused.

"That depends. Is it working?" he asked. Probably not, but a guy could dream.

"Not really."

"Then no, I guess not," the blonde boy responded. "It was just the truth. If I was going to flirt, I would use a clever pun."

"Define clever," she quipped, smirking at him now.

With a hand over his heart, he grabbed at his chest and said dramatically, "You're too cruel, my lady."

"I never claimed to be all 'rainbows and sunshine', kitty." He shrugged.

"Touche." She looked out at the Paris skyline, seemingly lost in thought. He gazed at her curiously through the calming silence for several minutes, just enjoying this time with his best friend. Finally, though, curiosity won out. "What are you thinking about, my lady?"

"Oh, nothing. My day, I guess. Mainly something one of my friends said," she informed him, still looking ahead. "A really good friend." Chat instantly perked up. Ladybug never talked about her friends outside of the mask, so this was bound to be interesting.

"A good friend of yours?" he questioned. She smiled distractedly.

"Yeah, one of my best friends. Don't worry, you're included in that category." _Point for Chat Noir. You're making progress after all_ , he couldn't help but think.

"Yes, but who's your _best_ friend?"

"Ummm . . . I'm not going to answer that."

"I need to know who my competitor is, Ladybug! Surely it's not another guy?" The blonde said this lightly, but inside, he was starting to melt down. If her best friend was a guy, then . . .

"I think I'd know if she was a guy," his partner affirmed with a snort, much to his instant relief. "I've know her for over two years, kitty. She practically lives at my house. In fact, she actually came over this morning to make sure I was awake and ready for school. Don't tell anybody," she whispered, leaning in with mischief in her eyes, "but I'm always late. I like sleeping in." The superhero laughed loudly in response to her dramatics. On anybody else, he might have only cracked a smile, but laughs always escaped him so easily around her. Being happy next to his companion was like breathing - whenever it happened, it was effortless.

"She sounds cool."

"She is. She's got a lot of cool aspirations, just like me, and she's always there for me. It's really great, having her around," the dark haired teen hummed, lost in her memories with fondness. "Yeah, she's definitely one of my best friends. She'll be my girlfriend for life." Chat froze. At this moment, the frail foundations of his world crumbled to a crisp. _Girlfriend_?

Was Ladybug interested in _girls_ all this time?

"Du huh," he muttered incoherently. The sunset was slowly draining of color in his now patchy vision.

As if sensing his discomfort, Ladybug frowned. "Are you alright, chaton? You look a little pale." He shrugged away her hand and continued shifting his eyes and struggling to breath.

"I . . . I just . . . I need to breathe," he gulped between pants. Was the world spinning off their axes? He didn't know anymore. "I . . . I think . . . I think I need rest. On my . . . on my bed. I need . . . to go home. To my bed. To . . . to lie down." She nodded, seeming legitimately worried.

"Are you sure you can go back all by your - "

"I . . . I'll be alright," he said, feeling too woozy to care about pronunciation anymore. He clumsily jumped off the roof and started towards the manor, trying his best to ignore the throbbing ache in his heart and his head.

* * *

"How did I miss it?" he asked quietly. Currently top teenage model Adrien Agreste was sprawled across his bed, staring at the ceiling. Plagg, as always, was far from helpful, but talking to him was just about his only option. It's not like Adrien could go to Nino or Nathalie or, heavens forbid, his _father_ about his problems as Chat. _Hi, I'm a famous superhero that gallivants around Paris every night and leads a secret double life you don't know about! So, how was your day?_ Yeah, that would go over well.

"Huh?" his kwami questioned, munching on a wheel of cheese with vigor. "What are you talking about?"

"You haven't been listening to anything, have you?" he murmured. The black creature scowled defensively.

"I was too! . . . at least, I was at first. Then you dove into your teenage angst fest and I kinda lost interest." At least his companion had the decency to look somewhat ashamed. "What's the matter, kid?"

"Ladybug doesn't like me," he responded in a dull, depressed tone. "My life is slowly ending." Plagg rolled his eyes.

"I thought we'd been over this," he sighed, rubbing his tiny paws against his brow. "Just because she isn't romantically interested in you now doesn't mean she'll never be. You've got a fighting chance because you're her partner, her other half, and she'll love you in one way or another eventually. Don't loose hope, you're a great person, ect ect. Stop moping."

"She's never _going_ to like me," Adrien deadpanned.

"Who says?" snapped the kwami. Plagg was already sarcastic and impatient as all get out. His ability to cope with drama only extended so far, and even those last several statements were starting to fray that line.

"Ladybug. Not really out loud, but it was just . . . sitting there." The model moaned loudly and flopped over, and arm hanging off the bed. "I think she likes girls." Plagg blinked. That . . . that had not been what he was expecting.

"What?"

"I just can't believe she never told me. I mean, she could have snuck it in there somewhere! 'I'm Ladybug! Hey Chat Noir! Ready for patrol? Oh, by the way, I'm gay, so don't fall hopelessly in love with me and spend years pining after that romance. Alright, let's go purify that akuma!'" Adrien cried grumpily, voice laced in disbelief and hurt. "I wanted to believe so badly that she would someday fall for me. And now? I just can't believe that she's never going to feel the way I feel about her."

"You sound miserable," the black kwami commented softly. Affection wasn't exactly his area of expertise, but his host needed cheering up. That was his job - to defend and take care of his chosen, no matter what. "It's almost 11 o'clock; maybe you should get some sleep. You'll feel a little better in the morning, I'm sure." Adrien nodded dully, wanting to say more but not knowing what else to do.

"Good night, Plagg."

"Good night, kid," he responded gently, pulling up the covers on the blonde with a sharp tug. "I . . . I'm sorry. You're one of the best I've ever seen."

Averting his gaze and slinking into the shadows of his sheets, the model replied, "It's okay."

For both the boy and his concerned companion, it wasn't.

* * *

The next day at school was a bit of a blur. Adrien could scarcely remember the ride there, or any of the lessons at all, or anything else but the scene before first bell and the Gorilla picking him up.

To be honest, the events of that minute before class were borderline world-altering (ha, altering, fashion - you know what, you guys probably don't care, do you?) for the young model, to be putting things bluntly. In fact, he hadn't been planning on going to school at all that day, but then he remembered that his father/dictator/boss (or more accurately, Nathalie) might notice the attendance email. He then got dressed rather quickly. Adrien didn't want to be on the other end of that assistant's wrath.

So, yeah, the blonde was prepared to suffer through the day by pretending he was 'just tired from a photo shoot, it's fine, guys' and ignoring everybody else within a 5 mile radius. It was funny - Adrien was often the most well behaved and good mannered teenager of the lot. A little heartbreak and a grain (or 10) of salt really seemed to go a long way.

Already he was prepping for the fake sleeping montage he would be preforming; Adrien's head laid firmly on the desk as he refused to open his eyes, trying to pass himself off as comatose. However, her voice quickly brought him out of it.

"Hey guys," she called, setting her stuff down behind him. He frowned slightly. Why the heck was his friend _Marinette_ , the princess of sleeping in and running late, here at school early?

"Marinette?" Alya asked, almost gobsmacked. Apparently the others were as confused by her arrival as he was. "Are you alright? You're here at school." The dark haired girl's nose wrinkled, as if she was evaluating that statement. Any other day he would have thought it was adorable. Now he was too miserable to think of much of anything.

"Where else would I be?"

"At home, in your bed," Alya snorted. "You're never here at school on time - especially not early. Are you sick or something?" At this, Marinette cracked a small smile, shoving Alya away gently.

"No, I was just worried about someone. They seemed to have a lot on their plate last night, actually, and I couldn't really sleep, so I just decided to get up." Adrien raised his head curiously.

"Who was it?" Nino interjected. Apparently he beat the blonde to the punch.

"Oh, nobody you know," she said slowly, her lips twitching like she had the best sort of secret. Nino shrugged, not going to pry. Marinette being early was already a revelation; he wasn't going to push it. Alya, on the other hand, was far more curious.

"What happened?" The designer blushed.

"Nothing you guys need to know about right now; they'd probably prefer you not to know about them."

"So mysterious," Alya smirked. "So no secret boyfriend?" At this, the teen rolled her eyes fondly.

"No. I would tell you if _that_ happened," she sighed, back to being mildly concerned. "But actually, it's kinda funny that you mentioned flirting. I swear that one of my friends can be the biggest flirt in the world, sometimes. Like, yesterday he met up with another friend and the first thing he does try to flirt. I mean, he wasn't there for very long, but . . ." Adrien's head shot straight up. This sounded incredibly familiar . . .

"Well, that's a pretty vague story," Alya monotoned. "Mind telling us more about your mysterious, secretive, never-heard-about-before-this-moment friends?"

"Well . . . I . . . Uh . . ."

"Yeah," the model said, turning around and looking Marinette in the eyes. Her face was a stark white. "When exactly did those friends meet up?"

"Yesterday afternoon," she informed him quietly, looking unbelievably guilty for no apparent reason.

"Wait, and one of them left after failing to flirt with the other?"

" . . . yes."

"That's kind of strange," he replied, slowly narrowing his eyes. Suddenly Mari lost her awkwardness and proceeded to find her voice, like she was talking about her best friend and was entirely comfortable about it.

"Yes, but I guess that's just him. He likes to think he's a real charmer." _Charmer_.

Oh god. Somehow, some way, Marinette _knew_. She knew about it all.

She had been worried about _him_ this morning.

Suddenly his throat was closing up and the room was spinning again. He laid his head back on the desk, waiting for Alya to comment on the situation again.

"So, Mari," Alya began with a misleading type of causality. "how long have you -"

"Alright, class, time to begin," called the teacher from the front of the room. She looked visibly relieved. Marinette was safe from interrogation - for now, at least.

* * *

"I think she knows, Plagg."

"What?" the kwami asked. They were back in the manor after school and all the little god cared about was getting his fill.

Oh, and being a source of moral support for his chosen one. He assumed that that was important, too.

"Marinette. She knows that Ladybug and I met up yesterday. I don't know how, but she does."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I think I should pay her a visit."

"Oh boy, here we go," grumbled Plagg. Seconds later, he was sucked into the ring, and Chat Noir was on the way to see his princess.

Joy.

* * *

It wasn't out of the ordinary for Chat to go see Marinette some nights. Honestly, over the last several months, he's probably talked to Marinette as a masked hero than he's actually seen his father in the last several years. She's become one of his best friends in and out of the mask, and even though she used to stutter around him as Adrien, she reached a point where she could talk to him as a normal person. Even if it came with the occasional blush, Marinette Dupain-Cheng was able to hold coherent conversations with him in both aspects of life, and he grew to crave her company almost as much as his lady's.

Of course, his heart was always going to belong to the spotted heroine, even if she broke it by accident (like yesterday, for example). But he couldn't deny that he harbored feelings for his classmate. Sometimes they were louder than life, sometimes he was able to trick himself into believing they weren't there - it all depended on the day, really. Chat had no idea what today would mean in terms of feelings, but he knew that talking to her about whatever she witnessed was going to re-secure a small piece of his sanity, so to the bakery he went.

The second he knocked on the door of her balcony, the blue haired teenager whipped it open.

"Hello, Princess," he mused, smiling. Despite how low he'd been feeling, the pretty designer always had a way of cheering him up without trying. For a brief moment, he forgot why he had come. "Nice night, huh?"

"Yeah, it's beautiful out. Paris looks great, especially with all the stars," she replied, averting her gaze to the skyline. "You'd think the pollution would wreck havoc on the view, but it's all pretty clear. Weird."

"Ah, but Paris isn't as beautiful as you, Princess," Chat purred in response. After 2 years of being a hero, flirty compliments seemed to come naturally.

"You charmer," his companion laughed, tugging him inside. "Only you would take the scenery as an invitation to flirt." He winced at her words.

Yup. That's why he was here. Charmer.

"Today I heard something about my lady and I in your classroom, Mari." She gulped a little, starting to look nervous.

"Like what?"

"Like you being worried about me because of yesterday," the blonde elaborated, sitting down and looking straight at her. "How did you know what happened?" She bit her lip, like she was trying to think of something on the spot. Even though he adored the bluenette, the masked model couldn't help but narrow his eyes in suspicion. "Can't remember?"

"No! I can remember!" she squeaked, obviously uncomfortable and grasping at straws. "I just . . . uhm . . ."

"Cat got your tongue, princess?" he said, shaking his head.

"I meant to say that Ladybug told me!" his companion squealed out finally. Chat Noir couldn't help but stare.

"Ladybug visits you?" he questioned, almost in disbelief. "My partner comes here on a regular basis and gives you updates on us?"

"Er, yeah," she replied, starting to calm down a little, although the nervousness still wasn't gone. "She stops by sometimes."

"Stops by?"

"Well, you visit me all the time, you silly cat. Why is it so hard to believe that she would, too?" Marinette huffed, arms crossing. "Am I bad company or something?"

"No, you're great company, purr-incess," he backtracked quickly. "I'm just . . . surprised, is all." With a roll of her eyes that reminded him so much of his spotted friend, she grabbed his clawed hand.

"Don't worry about it too much, kitty. I was really worried about you yesterday. Let's just go inside and eat cookies and play video games, alright?" With the first real smile he'd had all day, he followed her.

"Sounds wonderful, princess," he said earnestly. Even though his soul was slowly ripping in two after the events of yesterday, with her, somehow it wasn't so bad.

* * *

Over the next few days he felt a little better. He was far from fine - Adrien was about 10 miles from fine, at least - but he could stand to be around his partner without wanting to break down and curl into a ball, which was also a form of progress.

Progress. He actually thought he'd been making progress towards wooing Ladybug several days ago before his world imploded, and now trying to get over her was viewed as 'progress'. Go figure, really. Adrien's life had always had some elements of a cosmic joke, what with his mom disappearing, his father becoming closed off, being micromanaged by everybody, and having to fight akumas left and right. But getting unofficially rejected by his oblivious best friend had to take the cake in the my-life-sucks o'meter.

Thank goodness for Marinette. Although Ladybug had noticed he was off the last couple nights at patrol, she never said anything out of courtesy to him. As Chat, he was well aware that she knew something was wrong, but she also knew better than to push him into revealing anything, for which he was eternally grateful. Having to explain would have been painful and awkward, and he honestly didn't want to. Maybe in the future he would, but for now, he was more than content with leaving some things unsaid.

But, going back to Marinette, the designer was a godsend. Every night he had gone to her balcony and waited for her to open the door. She would always hug him and smile, like she was just glad he was there, and he would smile back for no reason at all. Then they would proceed to eat leftovers from the bakery and do whatever they felt like. Sometimes it was video games, sometimes it was movies, sometimes it was board games - whatever struck their fancy at the moment. It helped him get his mind off of his lady, and even if his skin felt tingly every time she brushed his hand, it wasn't awkward. If he hadn't been coming mainly out of comfort and distraction, Chat would definitely say that spending time with her was the best thing ever.

However, to say that he wasn't suspicious about Ladybug supposedly visiting her was an understatement, and he constantly tried to find a crack in her story. It was just _strange_ ; no matter how great Marinette was (and she was an incredible person, no questions asked), it seemed fishy that two superheros were seeing her on a constant basis.

And he was a cat; or rather, he was _the_ Chat. He knew a thing or two about fishy.

Like yesterday, for example, when they were laughing over one of his stupid puns. He couldn't sleep that night (it was even quieter than usual in his house, if that was possible), and she had said, "That one was even worse than the ones you usually make!"

"Usually make, princess?"

'You know, like 'my puns may be cheesy, but they're too gouda to go unsaid'," she had giggled, forgetting everything in her tired sense of calm. Suddenly Chat Noir was far from carefree.

"I thought I said that one during patrol with Ladybug," he commented suspiciously. "How did you know that?"

"She tells me about your patrols, sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

"Yep, sometimes," she nodded quickly, going with it. "She tells me a lot."

"You guys sound close," he snorted, slightly bitter.

"Yeah," she told him, smiling secretively. "Very close. Practically the same person, actually."

That was but one good example, but it didn't stop him from wanting to know why exactly Marinette and Ladybug were the best of friends all of the sudden. Were they always this close? Did he really just not notice until now? Adrien honestly had no idea, and somehow, it hurt more than knowing she'd never like him back. Just when he found some sort of recovery in his friendship (why the hell was he blushing all of the sudden?) with Mari, she had to be connected back to his lady.

The universe had to be messing with him now. He'd never be rid of his developing feelings for either girl, and of course they were friends. Just to make his life harder.

Great.

* * *

He tried ignoring her, but that just made it worse.

He didn't know when it had happened, but Chat physically couldn't function without Marinette. He missed watching her design, sprawling across her lap as she read a book, stealing her hot chocolate, fiddling with her hair, losing at video games, and hearing her squeal during those terrible 70s horror movies they watched for laughs. He honest to god missed everything about her, and he had only been coming over regularly for about 2 months now.

It's terrifying, really, how dependent he has become on her as a source of his sanity. It's like being cut off from his other half and he hates every second of it. He hates being jealous of the secret friendship she's apparently cultivated with Ladybug because they supposedly know _everything_ there is to know about eachother and he can't help but wish he was in on that, too. Adrien is enamored with both girls that are out of his league somehow and it _sucks_ knowing that he's keeping himself from seeing her. But he knows that as soon as he does, he's going to feel those same crushing concerns as before, and he's still going to be painfully on the outside of their secret circle and he's going to hurt himself and probably her in some small way again.

In the end, it doesn't matter, because the teenage model can't keep away. Despite ignoring her balcony above the bakery for the past 3 days, he's still drawn there against his will like a moth to a flame. Against his better judgement, he knocks on the window, and his classmate lets him in, face red and fists full of fury. It starts as a storm of 'why-didn't-you-come-over-what-happened-you're-a-complete-idiot-I-wish-I-hated-you-why-did-you-leave-me-I-missed-you-you-dork' and ends with a huff, a worried yet fond hug, and a 'I'm glad you're safe'. He knows it's stupid, cheesy, probably worthy of earning him a kick, and he really shouldn't start getting a crush on Mari because she deserves so much more than him (she deserves the world, honestly), but all he could think as he squeezed her back was that it felt like home.

* * *

"Can we play that game again?"

"Which game?" she moaned from her bed, head stuffed downwards into the sheets. "I'm tired."

"Depends on whether we're doing video games or board games, Princess."

"I wanna play a board game," she whined at him, and he couldn't help but smile. His girl was adorable.

Wait. His girl?

. . . best not to dwell on that.

"Monopoly it is, then."

"Noooo! I change my mind!" she groaned, flipping over for air. The disheveled designer looked up at him with wide and tired eyes. "That one takes forever."

"Okay, Mari," he chuckled at her, bopping her nose. "How about Overwatch?"

" . . . I get first play."

"As you wish, my princess." He couldn't even deny the fact that he liked her, now. She was Marinette Dupain-Cheng; who wouldn't love her?

If Adrien hadn't been whipped before, he certainly was now.

* * *

It hit him like a ton of bricks after another day.

Marinette and Ladybug had a lot in common. They both loved the color pink, hated the cold, and wanted to be a designer when they grew up. They both had a sweet tooth, knew eachother exceptionally well, and Ladybug visited her often. Ladybug had a girlfriend. Marinette had a kinship with her, one even hidden from him.

Was that revelation lurking beneath the surface the whole time?

It was time he did something about this to still this gnawing feeling in his gut. The feeling that told him Marinette and Ladybug were way more connected than he thought.

She was just sitting in her room, sketching a template out on her notepad. Marinette looked so innocent like this, so pure and happy, he was reluctant to disturb her. But he had to know. As he let himself in, he stayed by the doors, just close enough for her to hear him.

"Princess?" he called. She tilted her head slightly, too absorbed in her work to turn around. "I've got a question or two for you."

"Mmm hmmm," the dark haired designer responded, biting her lip slightly.

"So, you and Ladybug are close?"

"Mmm."

"Really close?" he questioned again, though his voice was slightly softer.

"Mphm."

"So you tell eachother everything, like all the same things, want to be designers, and hang out all the time?"

"Uhhh huh," she mumbled again, adjusting her lines again and erasing a zipper.

"You . . . " he swallowed, feeling weak in the knees and out of breath and so utterly wrecked it was awful. This could very possibly destroy him. "You guys are dating, aren't you? You were her girlfriend." Marinette didn't say anything for the first few seconds, but after a moment of silence she bobbed her head.

"Yes," she practically whispered, finally completing her drawing. The outfit was sure to be stunning.

Meanwhile, Chat Noir gazed at the back of her head with something almost akin to heartbreak, eyes glossed over once more. The frail foundations of his world crumbled to a crisp.

"I think I always knew it." He jumped off her balcony without another word, trying desperately not to look back at her house through his patchy vision. Both girls he loved were forever unavailable. Who would he his leg up now?

More importantly, how had he ever thought his good fortune in Marinette would last? He always knew his life was a series of bad luck.

* * *

With a triumphant grin, Mari put away her sketchpad and took out her earbuds. This jacket was going to be awesome - Chat would definitely love it. He had always supported her passion to create clothing and this would be a thank you for being such a great friend. Mind you, it was only a rough idea to start with, but she couldn't help but be excited. She had been tuning out the world for almost 30 minutes to draw this and was proud of how it was starting to develop.

She had a habit of doing that, she supposed. It was so easy to put on some music in the quiet of her room and just forget whatever else was going on, opting to exist in her own little bubble for a while while she drew. Speaking of which . . .

"Maman! Did you ask for anything while I was drawing?" the bluenette called down to her mother. It wasn't uncommon for stuff like this to happen, and Sabine was used to repeating things to her motivated daughter. No matter how many 'uhh huh, yes maman's were mumbled, the teenager didn't hear a thing.

"No, sweetheart, I didn't say anything to you!" the petite woman shouted back up from below. Marinette got up from the desk and looked out the window with a frown.

Odd. She could have sworn that someone had been talking to her.

* * *

"Hey, chaton," she grinned in greeting as she walked over to Chat that night. The red-and-black clad heroine was spot on time for patrol, as per usual. It was seeming to be a mellow crime week, but duty rested for nobody, he presumed.

Chat internally sighed. She looked beautiful, as always. Just more proof that he had fallen for the purr-fect girl.

Well, perfect for him save one important detail.

"Hi, Ladybug," he told her flatly, trying his damnedest not to look in her direction. It would just make him fall apart, and he just couldn't do that again. Not when he couldn't see _her_ , either.

"You're . . . you're not okay right now, Chat. You seem off," she frowned at him, obviously confused. "I know you were upset a couple months ago, but I thought you had been better. What gives?" The fact that she instantly knew, without even seeings his face, that he was down and done getting up was a testament to how well he had come to know her and vice versa. It was so spot on (ha, puns) and ironic he nearly laughed. Upset was an understatement.

"That's one way to put it, yeah," he said, and for once the blonde didn't even bother disguising the hurt in his tone. "I mean, it's nothing you would concern yourself with, obviously, so you don't have to pretend to care." Now she grabbed his shoulder in concern, despite him shoving her hand away.

"What's wrong, Chat?" Her voice was low and steady, warning yet respectful. "I'm not going to leave you alone until you tell me. I'm not going to let you sit so low again. Just tell me what the matter is and I swear I'll help you however I can." With a swift jerk he sat up, trying not to cry.

"The truth? You want the truth? The truth is that I was in love with you for the longest time. I know, it's stupid, and I'm never going to have that shot, but I really thought you might come around one day," he laughed, because the only alternative was tearing up and falling into a coma. "I've never felt worse, even when my mom was gone. And then - and then, of course - I'm spending time with Mari and she's great! She's wonderful and smart and beautiful and one of the best friends I've ever had. I don't know how, but I ended up liking her, too. But I can't have her, either! Because of you!" He shouted so rawly, so harshly, it was like the world was fracturing a third time, bleeding and breaking and turning black and blue. His reality was numbing and bruising over and it almost didn't seem to matter that she knew.

"What did I do?" she asked quietly, still trying to process what exactly had happened.

"I can't believe it!" he yelled, running a hand through his hair in an angry, desperate defeat. "I even asked her! You and her - you're _dating_! You're her girlfriend and I didn't even realize it! It makes so much sense now and I can't believe I didn't know! You're both brave and kind and strong and I think the world of you two, so why wouldn't you be? And it _sucks_ because I had so much hope and it's all gone. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm just . . . " the secret model sighed in anguish, sitting down again with watery eyes. "I'm just done." He honestly expected her to smack him, to defend Marinette, to do _something_ to him for what he just said. Instead, she continued to surprise him.

"You liked me? You liked Mari?" she whispered, almost in disbelief. He turned towards her again with an incredulous expression.

"Who wouldn't? You two are the best people I know - it was kinda inevitable, actually." He stared at his feet, shuffling them on the rooftop. "I really hope you two are happy." Ladybug said nothing for an eternity, lost in her own thoughts. Then, out of the blue, she laughed, doubling over like he had made the world's greatest joke. Her grin could split the sky in two, it was so big, and her hands were folded over her stomach as she tried to regain composure. "My lady?"

"You thought I was dating Marinette?" she cackled, trying her best not to fall of the building. It was a tall order, at the moment. "You thought _I_ was dating Marinette?"

"Well, yeah, I thought she said . . . " She laughed even louder, confusing the poor boy further.

"I couldn't date Marinette Dupain-Cheng, chaton," his companion wheezed out. "I'm straight, silly kitty." And just like that, with a shocked and scandalized expression on his face, Chat felt the world slip back into place.

"You mean . . . this whole time, I . . . "

"Yes, you dork," she told him, eyes shining. "You had nothing to worry about."

"But you said something about having a girlfriend!" he sputtered out.

"I was talking about a close friend of mine that's a girl, chaton. Her name is Alya. And besides, it would have been impossible for me to date Marinette even if I was interested in girls, anyways." His eyes narrowed.

"You know Alya? Does she know you're Ladybug? And it's impossible for you to date Marinette?" the blonde asked. "Why impossible?" She groaned now, the smile slipping and her occasional exasperation returning.

"Do I really need to show you, minou?"

" . . . yes?"

"Alright," the bluenette grumbled, looking nervous but accepting of her fate. "It would have happened eventually, I guess." Mustering her courage, she murmured, "Tikki, spots off!"

Her transformation dropped, and he couldn't help but gasp when Marinette (and her kwami, too, but that part wasn't so important to him at the moment) was left starring at him on the deserted rooftop. She waved.

"Hi, kitty," his companion told him sheepishly, almost seeming sad and scared. "I know I should have told you - trust me, I was _dying_ trying to keep it from you, especially when you left for a couple days - but I didn't know how and we're such good friends and I think I might - " He couldn't help himself any longer. He kissed her.

She was even better than he imagined. Her lips were soft and sweet and warm just like he had fantasized about for months. Ladybug sighed a little, almost relieved despite the shock, and it made him, as cliche as it sounded, want to sigh, too. She wasn't anything except perfect, even though her mask was gone and her name was Mari.

"I really love you, Princess," he gasped finally, pulling away for air. His hands had somehow migrated to the small of her back and the nape of her neck, and Marinette's were miraculously tangled in his hair. The sky was overcast and warning of rain despite the dark of night, cars honked in the distance, and they were sitting on the dirty roof of an apartment. This was so different than what he had thought of when he envisioned his first kiss, but it was with _her_ , and that made it all okay somehow.

"You told me that - twice, actually," she reminded him, smiling once more before resting her head on his chest. It sent a trail of tingles up his spine and the superhero honestly hoped she wouldn't ever move away. "If it makes you feel better, I like you, too. I've actually liked you for a couple months, now." Now a blush colored her pale, moonlit-brushed face. "You're one in a million, kitty." Chat Noir pulled her even closer, nuzzling his head into her hair and clearing his throat.

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Ladybug, my best friend, I want to ask you something." Her head shifted as she looked up at him.

"Yeah?"

"Will you go out on a date with me?" he asked quietly, trying his hardest not to kiss her again. He kinda needed the answer first, no matter how tempting it was.

"Of course, minou," she giggled softly, saying it so timidly he was almost taken aback. Her response was so straightforward and quick, so commonplace and almost seemingly practiced, that Chat almost doubted it was real. Asking out his lady was almost like entering a dream - so surreal it was almost hazy. But if this was a dream, he never wanted it to end. He wanted to make sure that she would never doubt her feelings for him - he certainly wouldn't for her.

" . . . does this make you my girlfriend?" the masked model blurted out without thinking. Luckily, she only yawned and slunk into a sitting position, Chat following her lead. Surprisingly, being in love with someone is a lot like breathing - whenever it happens, it's effortless, and that there was just further proof. Being by her side like this was natural - it was coming home. Like he had already established, Marinette _was_ his home, and he seriously doubted that would change anytime soon.

"I suppose it does." He would never have to worry about her being someone else's girl ever again; Adrien knew she would forever be all his.

* * *

 **So, this was my crack idea at, like, 11 pm one night. I was thinking 'wouldn't this be funny' and then I jokingly began writing this. I felt obligated to finish it after a while, so here I am.**

 **I know, I know, it's an unusual premise, but I really hoped all of you enjoyed this. Though both of my previous Miraculous oneshots were met with praise, one got 144+ favorites while the other got 22+, which gives me no idea of how this is going to get noticed. There's no in between, really, based on those incredibly mixed results. Food for thought, I guess.**

 **Please like and review this - I thrive off of support. Thanks for reading!**


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